Ways to take care
During the heatwave a few weeks ago I was at the beach standing in the ocean listening to my radio station on Apple (the one they curate for you). A song came on I didn’t know, but it was a beautiful piano piece, just over a minute into the song someone started to sing:
“ I've had back pain for most of my life
And the most I ever did was see the doc
And the doc told me that my back was alright
He had initials in his shirt, he had a nice expensive watch
I thought he knew what he was doing or at least what was right
He made me fill a piece of paper out with different questions all about
My health, wellbeing and the state of my life
I'll told the truth, I'm only lying to myself if I should lie
So, I answered everything and did my best to keep it real in between the lines
I gave it back to him, he took his time and read the paper over once or twice
He looked at me as if to say, "I need to tell you something"
"And don't prepare for me to tell you something nice"
He wanted to know just how much I tend to drink and smoke
I told him how it was and then he gave me this advice
He said, "Ease up on stress, you don't help yourself much"
"It's too intense for you to take, you'll only tense up"
"And you see you have these issues and you struggle to relax"
"So you come see me the doctor to get something for your back"
"But this piece of paper tells me that there's more that you should address"
"I see some anger in you, plus addiction, plus the rest"
"I feel like we should speak about this 'fore it comes first"
"And I know a lot of people who can help, for what it's worth"
I said, "I don't know if you don't understand, man, my back just fucking hurts"
Do I need physiotherapy? Or is it something worse?
He paused and then he asked me what I thought we should do
I said, "If I knew that, I wouldn't be here, man, I'm asking you"
He handed me to someone who gave me a blood test
Who handed me to someone else who took my payment and took all of my fucking patience
I should add at this point the doctor had already left
And I resented that man, I never went back to him again
But you know, in a weird way, I feel like maybe he was right
I may be using my back pain to distract from the pain of life
Feel it all externally when really it's just inside
Procrastinating, confrontation, every single time
So thank you Mr. Doctor Man, I'm now being sincere
I guess I just didn't wanna hear what I didn't wanna hear, okay”
The song is Alexander by Rex Orange County. It made me laugh because it felt like I was talking to one of my patients or a friend. Almost every patient I treat, deals with the universal theme of having back pain, and learning to manage and help it.
Today is the Fall Equinox.
I saw this Thich Nhat Hanh quote yesterday online, “In the Buddha’s teachings, sensory impressions are considered a kind of food. We ‘eat’ with our six sense organs: our eyes, ears, nose, tongue, body and mind. A television program is food; conversation is food; music is food; art is food; billboards are food. When you drive through the city, you consume these things without your knowledge or consent. What you see, what you touch, what you hear is food.”
In Chinese Medicine we talk about how our digestive system is responsible for processing not just the food we eat but everything we consume, just like Thich Nhat Hanh spoke about. My friend and mentor Russell Brown, talks about this often to me and in his writings. Everything we consume and intake is something that we have to digest and process. In an article Russell wrote, The Digestive Mind, “the stomach contains a spirit called Yi, which translates to “Mind” or “intellect” —our ability to process information and organize thought. Now, it makes sense that the Yi is in the stomach when you think about what digestion really is: swallowing what the world gives us; processing it; breaking it down; sorting it out in terms of what is nutritious and what is waste; and integrating the good parts and disposing of the rest. The goal of digestion is to foster nourishment. This is the same job as that of the mind. To the mind, information and experiences are the “food” that we consume. We read; we do; we learn; we comprehend. We absorb some of it to improve our lives, then forget the rest. When the Yi is healthy, this digestion process nurtures us and strengthens us with the virtues of clarity, honesty, empathy, and equanimity. But when we overload ourselves — when we eat too much — we shut down the stomach/mind’s capacity to process…..We are processing so much, so rapidly: The Yi is becoming totally overtaxed and can no longer figure out what is nourishment and what is waste”
Fall is associated with the Lung and Large Intestine organs in Chinese Medicine. The energy shifts from the busyness of Summer time to a more quieter time preparing for Winter.
The sound associated with autumn is weeping. In Chinese Medicine we learn that the Lungs are associated with grief and sadness. When I explain this to people I sometimes use the example of a someone grieving a loved one and catching pneumonia. I am sharing here a Qi gong exercise to strengthen the Lungs by acupuncturist Peter Deadman.
I continue to think of the untended grief collectively. We are nearing one year of the genocide in Gaza which feels unfathomable. I can still feel the vividness of what last October felt like not somehow almost a year ago but more like yesterday. The death toll has been stalled at 40,000 for months. The Lancet medical journal published in June that the real number is closer to 186,000.
“I am frequently looking to the world to corroborate my shitty cynicism, my despair. And instead the world just thrusts its flower in my face.” - Kaveh Akbar
The Magic Place by Julianna Barwick is being re-issued this October for its 13th anniversary.
Monumental Eternal by Alice Coltrane is being re-released.
This past week I saw Look Into My Eyes a documentary made by director Lana Wilson. I was completely blown away; It was recommended to me, and didn’t want to miss it. The documentary follows different psychics living in New York. I should have brought tissues, but my oversized T shirt helped me out. I hope everyone can see this documentary at some point, it is incredibly beautiful and I will be thinking about it for a long time!
I read this interview yesterday, We Need To Grieve Outloud: Lana Wilson on Look Into My Eyes. Wilson says in the interview, “Most of these psychics had a loss that was formative for them that they are still processing. I really wanted the second half of the film to be about how we process grief and loss, and how psychic sessions are one way of doing that. In this case, the healer is doing that as much as the person seeking healing.”
A beautiful print from The Song Cave, “Taken by Hartmann in the rural town of Bolinas, CA in 1971, the photograph encapsulates a sensibility and way of life that was, and still is, protected in the town. The annonymous hand-painted sign, hanging in someone's yard, has been posted for all visitors to see, sharing the hearts of the people who live there:
"QUIET / APPROACHING / SENSITIVE / COMMUNITY"
My friend Chris sent me these photos : )
I looveeee Magdalena Suarez Frimkess!!! Lucky you could see her work IRL!
Love you, thank you <3